Books we can't stop

recommending

Mating in Captivity

Esther Perel 2006

maybe you should talk to someone lori go

“Why is Modern Love So Hard?” For those of you who view commitment as a loss of self, the idea that we lose ourselves in the presence of our partner is deeply ingrained in the modern perception of love. As almost all of our communal institutions give way to a heightened sense of individualism, we look more frequently to our partner to provide the emotional and physical resources that a village or community used to provide.

Is it any wonder that, tied up in relying on a partner for compassion, reassurance, sexual excitement, financial partnership, etc. that we end up looking to them for identity or, even worse, for self-worth?

Now please scroll a bit to read who the author is and hopefully you'll want to discover more. Besides her books, and her very famous TED Talk on Why we're cheating, she has a great podcast, Where should we begin, where intercultural couples share their real problems and the info is so raw and sometimes so relatable that it helps with yours, or so unrelatable that it makes you grateful for having the ones that are more easily navigatable. Her blog, newsletter and Youtube lives are also worth a while of your attention especially if you seek answers for desire in long-term relationships.

Get to know the author

Belgian, with parents who survived the Nazi concentration camps, studied in Jerusalem and moved to the States where she helps intercultural couples get better at living together. Quite an expat lady focusing on very real expat issues, right? For me, her name is the answer whenever I'm mentioning anything about any kind of relationship problems. It feels like she has the answer for anything, and her findings could at least make you think about your issues from a different perspective. Isn't that what makes a great therapist? It's not anymore just her book, Mating in captivity that I reread and tend to go back to when some stories go bad, but all of her work.

the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to

Quotes and pages

we love

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She says, “More, more, more.” She doesn’t make him feel bad for wanting sex, because she wants it just as much.

The ability to go anywhere in our imagination is a pure expression of individual freedom. It is a creative force that can help us transcend reality.

Through fantasy we repair, compensate, and transform. For a few moments, we rise above the reality of life and, subsequently, the reality of death.

Fantasy expresses the problem and provides the solution. It is a fervid space, where our inhibiting fear is transformed into brazenness. What a relief to find that our shame is now curiosity, our timidity is now assertiveness, and our helplessness is now sovereignty.